Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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