My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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