Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
