I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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