So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We're too hungover to prance.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
