so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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