Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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