angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
