i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
