I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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