so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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