Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
