I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
