he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize