I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
