so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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