Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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