Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Let's get the cat blown out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
