I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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