I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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