Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
