the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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