Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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