Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
