I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
