I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
