No stitches, just platelets and will power
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize