I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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