Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
