So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
