Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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