There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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