Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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