make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
