i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize