Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
