Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
