I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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