i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
