Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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