My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
