Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
