I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
