Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
