I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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