escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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