hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
