oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
