All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
