I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
