so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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