Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
