nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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