5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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