Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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