If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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