I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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