we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
