so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
