I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
