yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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