I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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