At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
