I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
