my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
