We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
