I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
