I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
