you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
