Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
