Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
babies were throwing up all over the place
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
