i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Terrible idea I love it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
