I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
