i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
