the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
