Nicole vs. Life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
