its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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