Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ugly people sure do ruin things
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
