Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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