I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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