if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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