I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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