Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize