I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
