his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
