You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
