Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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