The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
