Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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