i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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