i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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