Im at strip club and am horny
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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