I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
