We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
