Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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