i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
