Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
